Smart-Lass

Uuuuugggghhhh.

That’s the sound of decompression after what may have been the craziest month I remember in a long time. And that’s saying something, ’cause crazy is just how we roll. But I’ll uncurl from the fetal position and crawl out of the corner now.

Mr. S-L graduated from law school and is now up to his eyeballs in bar review. It’s kind of a frying-pan-to-the-fire situation. It was a lot of preparation and fun for the actual ceremony and after party. We wound up with 40+ people crammed into our house… with the help of Mr. S-L’s mom, Snake Eyes, and Boots, we served supper (including 4 double-breaded deep-fried chickens) to A LOT of people. The coconut creme pie went first… the Kentucky pecan didn’t last long, either. Surprisingly enough, the shrimp-cheese grits were a huge hit, too. Most folks were leery at first, but one bite made them true believers.

So if I never see fried chicken again, it’ll be too soon.

And if any of you hear about any law firm anywhere that might be hiring, please let us know.

In other news, the garden is doing well. It usually does this time of year. The green beans are going great guns, and I’ll have tomatoes very soon.The spinach is lovely, the cantaloupe vines are threatening to be prolific, and my blackberry vine came back strong and healthy. Unfortunately some creature is stealing the strawberries before they ripen. This would be heartbreaking to my children if their Uncle Festus did not keep them supplied from his garden. Even the broccoli seems to be healthy. I’ve never grown broccoli before, so I’m kinda pumped about this.

It’ll all be dead in August, of course, but only monkey grass and cactus survive the end of summer down here.

And the latest with the munchkins? Well, the Little Dude is in love with a little girl at church who is seven years old. That’s right, she is 6 years his senior. But she’s smart, cute, and hey - why not? Aim high, son! Also, he is obsessed with Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. What really has me amazed, however, is the fact that he is holding his crayons properly already… not gripped in his fist but actually controlled with his thumb, index, and middle finger. I suppose only a mom would think that’s the coolest ever.

The Little Princess is her precious self. As I write this, she is curled up in her upstairs “princess room” underneath an airy mosquito netting strung with sequined butterflies. She had a long, busy day, shopping for fabric with Grandma (who is going to make her some beautiful clothes), helping Mommy bake cookies, and generally ruling her little realm (and her brother with an iron fist). Also, she has begun drawing people with heads and recognizable arms and legs. Again, I know I’m likely the only one pumped about this, but Aunt S says it’s a major developmental milestone, so I’m excited.

My kids are brilliant. Obviously!

As you southern kids know, Saturday was the Kentucky Derby. I think we threw the one and only derby party in the state of Oklahoma. I never post pictures of myself, but here I am (on the left) with my friend (on the right) in our Derby hats, mint juleps in hand:

Much fun was had by all! Next year we will definitely do it again… unless, of course, we’re lucky enough to be at the Churchill Downs.

To celebrate the fact that Wednesday was his last night of class (three finals until graduation!) Mr. S-L took me to a movie last night. He knew I’d been itching to see The Fast and the Furious 4.

Allegedly grown-up stay-at-home moms with responsibilities are supposed to want to watch romantic comedies and receive flowers on special occasions. But I’ve been drooling over American muscle since I was 15.

It’s all a matter of timing, I guess. But someday, when I do not have to worry about car seats and stroller storage, I guarantee you I’ll be driving something along these lines…

And here is Snake Eyes’ favorite (thanks for the photo!):

(How’s that for a sweet ride for a pistol-packin’ Mimi?)

Mr. S-L and I love lists. Why? I dunno. The type-A compulsion to categorize and classify things. (I am one of those freaks who used to volunteer to sort files at work because I find the process of alphabetizing soothing. HA!)

Anyway, we had loads of fun arguing and suggesting and insulting one another (lovingly, of course) in order to come up with this. I’m not sure if this reflects his final ideas. But I do know that we agree that number one here is number one. Period. Ever. Other than that, I’m not too clear on the order. Could definitely be changed up.

So here you go, now feel free to tell me why I am completely wrong and your list is better. I am open to good arguments!

1. All Along the Watchtower - Jimi Hendrix There is no reason to have to explain this one. It is pure awesomeness.
2. For What It’s Worth - Buffalo Springfield I can think of no more definitive rock song of the 60s. Of course, admittedly, I was not there.
3. Sunday Bloody Sunday - U2 This band has had more staying power than any other band EVER. And this is the heart of their music. After 20+ years they still sing it at concerts, as far as I know and hope to find out this fall.
4. Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd I love me my Skynyrd.
5. Born on the Bayou - CCR Again, definitive sound. Just can’t not shake it to this one.
6. We Built This City - Starship Okay. This makes every crappiest song ever list. But to those of us who were kids in the 80s, this song is like heroin.
7. Pour Some Sugar On Me - Def Lepard Again, definitive of the music experience of most of us growing up in the 80s.
8. Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana This was the anthem of my generation when we were in high school. No other 90s song holds a candle.
9. Johnny B. Goode - Chuck Berry Probably the grandaddy of all rock tunes.
10. (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction - Rolling Stones Couldn’t be a top 10 list without this one. I suggested Sympathy for the Devil but Mr. S-L is right… this is the quintessential Stones song.

The kids are watching Kung-Fu Panda for the gajillionth time while the rain comes down in sheets. I know, I should turn off the TV, but it’s actually a really cute movie. And it’s too hilarious to watch them running around in their jammies, pretending to do kung-fu on one another.

So… swine flu. I know, I know. We are not supposed to call it that, but I’m afraid the cat is out of the bag. Orwellian attempts to call it something else - even though everyone now knows it as swine flu - are misguided at best and ultimately futile. Sorry to the pig farmers out there, but there you have it.

I am not the panicking type, but I am definitely the mama bear type. So I’m not going to freak out, but I’ll likely start doing my grocery shopping without the munchkins. The little monkeys still occasionally clamp their mouths down onto shopping carts - apparently to see how they taste and to watch me flip. As my friend and I were discussing, however, maybe all the cart sucking and floor swimming (she caught one of hers pretending to swim across the floor of a public bathroom) will give them some random immunity boost. One can always hope.

But interestingly enough, it’s not the kids or the elderly who are statistically most likely to be hardest hit in a pandemic. I was reading some projected numbers in one of the official “plans” and it would seem it’s the 20 to 40 crowd that will do the most hurling and dying. And if we learned anything from 1918, it would not be this spring’s version, but a possible resurgence of a more virulent version this fall that would be the problem.

But what do I know? I’m just a stay-at-home mommy with internet access who clearly does not spend enough time doing dishes and laundry.

On another, but equally agitating note, Arlen Specter has switched parties. I say, who cares? I know that this puts the Ds closer to a filibuster-proof majority, but let’s face it. Specter hasn’t been one of us in a long time. The funny thing to me is the desperate attempt by everyone involved to paint this as some sort of ideological move. Yeah. Right. And I’ve got some lovely beachfront property in Tonkawa that I’ll sell ya for cheap. It’s a political power play. This guy is a lifer and he is scared that he can’t win. That’s it. And if you can’t get behind the conservative ideals, you do us a favor by removing yourself. Don’t muddy the water… and don’t let the door hit you in the derriere.

And now I leave you with this:

For those of you so inclined, I highly recommend this week’s broadcast of the White Horse Inn. I subscribe to the free podcast, but they have also made it available for listening in multiple other formats. It’s quite good, as usual. But this one in particular deals with an issue of concern across theological lines. Their conclusion might be surprising to some… but I think it’s safe to say that it shouldn’t be.

Enjoy!

Here is an excellent article from Real Clear Politics. Mr. Smart-Lass has been saying this until he is blue in the face. We have a brilliant opportunity here, folks! The GOP needs an infusion of intellectual life and vigor! A strong dose of federalism right about now might be just the shot in the arm that the party of Lincoln requires. Instead, unfortunately, we are being subjected to petty nonsense that, despite its conservative proponents, is more populism and bureaucracy (see my previous post). The left is so hyper-emotional in their support of Obama that sooner or later, they must just simply become exhausted. No one can sustain that level of ecstatic frothing at the mouth indefinitely. So stand up, conservatives. Reclaim the Republican party. Enough of this adolescent identity crisis! Let us return to first things first: the government governs best that governs least. Each state is supposed to be its own little experiment in democracy, without tyrannical federal interference. And my favorite, of all, from my constitutional law professor, “Do whatever the hell you want but do not make me pay for it.”

Amen and amen.

I admit it. I am thoroughly disgusted by the current Oklahoma legislature. For the first time in state history (that’d be just over 100 years for you non-Okies) we have republican majority in both houses. I helped put them there. I wish I could hold my head up while I said that instead of mumbling it under my breath.

I’ve declined to talk about this for a long time because it raises hackles so quickly, but let’s start easy and work into it, shall we?

First of all, why do we need an official rock’n'roll song? The whole concept is asinine. We already have a state drink (milk) a state flower (mistletoe… not a flower!) a state wildflower (Indian paintbrush) a state song (from a Rogers and Hammerstein musical, thank you very much) and a host of other goofy “official” things that make no difference to anyone at all. But now, we have to try to capitalize as much as we possibly can on the fact that the Flaming Lips (who???) are from OKC. Great. So what. But unfortunately one of the band members wore a t-shirt with the hammer and sickle to an event somewhere and now the legislature is mad.

Everyone stop. Who cares? I agree, they have no business representing us if they have no better sense than to think communism t-shirts are going to go over well here. (We were the only state in the union where NOT ONE COUNTY went for Obama in the 2008 election.) But our legislature has no business messing with stupid things like “official songs.” What’s next, an official secret clubhouse handshake? But no, Joe Bob from Slapout will get his feelings hurt because no one considered the fist bump instead and we’ll have more idiocy taking up the air waves. It’s beyond juvenile. Let’s do our jobs, shall we?

Speaking of jobs, one would HOPE that the people charged with the responsibility of making laws would actually educate themselves on the issues before opening their mouths and gesticulating with moral certitude before the lights and cameras. But no. It is too much to ask.

We all knew that tort reform would be back on the table with a conservative congress. Fine. I’m not debating the merits or problems with this legislation. I have yet to meet anyone on either side of this argument who was convinced by the sincerity of the other side. So let’s step around this one for a moment and look at another but related issue.

In addition to tort reform the legislature has engaged in an all-out assault on the legal profession in Oklahoma. Yes, I know, I hear you chuckling and saying that we deserve it and we had it coming and we need a dose of our own medicine.

What is essentially proposed is the abolition of the mandatory membership in the state bar association for every licensed attorney in the state. But wait, before you toot the “deregulation!” horn with such glee, be advised that the legislature humbly proposes that they will govern the practice of law in the state, even going so far as to deny the courts the right to write their own local rules. The legislature will take care of us.

The problems with this are legion. First of all, since when do conservatives favor more power in the hands of our government? That the legislature is proposing to vote themselves more power is not surprising; that so many self-proclaimed conservatives are on board with it is disappointing. This is the very regulatory system that has crippled and nearly destroyed the practice of medicine. So, rather than working to create a solution for doctors, the legislature is going to subject the legal profession to the same debilitating and draconian oversight paradigm. Good job, guys. Very creative. Way to solve the problem.

Except it won’t. Even if you open season lawyers and hunt us with dogs (as so many of you seem to want to do) you will still have a soul-crushing bureaucracy in place in the form of your supposedly conservative congress. Can we at least agree that in principle this legislature is proving anything but conservative?

Second, why on earth should our legislature write our local court rules? This will not save anyone any money and it will not result in greater equity in the results of cases. (Because let’s not kid ourselves that our lawmakers care about the rule of law… they think “justice” is the “good” result, rule of law be hanged.) Non-attorneys have no business writing the court rules. Forgive me for saying this; I don’t mean to be offensive, just honest. As attorneys, we study the law for three years. It is notoriously demanding. If you want to write the rules, GO TO LAW SCHOOL and learn something about what you are doing. I am so tired of the insistence that the law should be so simple that the village idiot could defend your case. It’s not. A law degree is a doctoral level degree for a reason.

The court rules govern things like filing deadlines, decorum, page limitations, and other such administrative items. For example, when a convicted criminal files an application for post-conviction relief in a non-capital case, he is limited to 20 pages. Why? Because this necessary window of opportunity for relief is so highly abused. (I personally asked the courts to sanction numerous convicts who were wasting your time and taxes by filing 7 or 8 of these things.) But it is necessary. Our post-conviction statutes are the codification of the ancient writs, long respected and recognized for centuries as essential to the pursuit of justice. The seemingly innocuous rule, then, is actually a carefully constructed balance of vital interests if our society wants to remain free and safe. Does the legislature know any of this history or why or how these things work? I’m only scratching the surface of one tiny corner of this.

Besides, does anyone even recall the concept of separation of powers? Talk about shredding the founding document. It turns out that maybe the liberals don’t have the corner on that market after all.

Finally, let’s talk about the folks behind this. I had the *ahem* privilege of hearing our president pro tempore at a medico-legal conference last year. He talked about what the legislature was going to do for the medical profession this term. Unfortunately, one of the other speakers actually called him out (gently and professionally, of course) because Mr. Senator was unaware of the legal training that doctors were required to undergo. He made an assumption, built a policy on it, and never knew that his first principle was mistaken.

Okay, no biggee, right? Wrong. Because this guy also does not know what is going on in the legal profession. He has used a false argument as a pretext for attempting to dismantle the legal profession. (The false argument is that the OBA uses dues money to promote abortion. It does not. The ABA - different and totally voluntary - had issued numerous committee reports in favor of Roe v. Wade. I am not and never will be a member of the ABA. Seriously… if you don’t know the difference between these totally unrelated and different associations please stop making laws about it.)

Oh and he just kind of did not pay a bunch of taxes.

My point here is that he is woefully ignorant of both the medical and legal professions. Imprecision seems definitive of his policy and his finances (how can you just forget that you owe $20,000+ to the taxman?). But we have crowned him lord protector of conservative ideals.

If he were a liberal he’d have been burned in effigy already.

So… to all of our illustrious “conservative” legislators. I am seriously considering changing to an independent. I had so hoped for real progress this term. How about meaningful school choice? How about tax relief? How about axing the grotesque bloated organism that our state government has become? How about a sovereignty resolution and a call for a convention to amend our federal constitution?

But no. Instead we are subjected to populism and increasing bureaucracy. You can call it whatever you want, but this is not Orwell’s 1984. We still know horse hockey when we smell it.

It has been very near a month since my last post… and you are reading this? You flatter me with your patience and optimism.

First I want to recommend this little gem: The Social Primer. Mr. Smart-Lass and I have had loads of fun brushing up on etiquette and (in many cases) having our notions of correctness corrected. For example, when addressing an invitation did you know that it is actually proper to put the lady’s name first? If you are not saying “Mr. and Mrs. Bob Smith,” then your proper alternative is “Jane and Bob Smith.” Why? Because you never, ever separate a man from his last name. And SP also cleared up the proper way to introduce people to one another. I have not fully perused his site, but he appears to be a southern gentleman who has been displaced to California. I commend him on the rather daunting task of civilizing the plebs.

The reason we have been etiquette-obsessed lately is that we will be attending a black-tie function this weekend for the express purpose of social networking and lead-fishing for jobs. Graduation is looming large and the hunt is on. I have every confidence in Providence but it’s hard not to be a wee bit jittery at times.

On lighter notes, I have discovered that my children love vinyl records. I pulled out a bunch of Disney albums that were mine when I was little and introduced the kids to old-school fun: the glorious sound of scratchy tunes from a turntable. I love it! Don’t get me wrong, I also love cranking up my iPod on my surround-sound system in the family room, but there is something homey and human about an old record. And besides, where else are the kids going to hear songs from Bedknobs and Broomsticks or Pete’s Dragon or the almost all-but-forgotten Dumbo?

We have also been reading “Farmer Boy” by Laura Ingalls Wilder. I don’t believe that the children are enjoying it half so much as Mr. S-L and I. Last night I was appalled (not for the first time) by the luxurious idleness that defines so much of my life. (I am blogging, after all.) The idea of self-sufficiency, of bone-weariness every night after a day of working outside… there is an appeal to it. Don’t get me wrong: I am not romanticizing it. I understand the flip-side of raising your own food is the spectre of privation if the weather is hostile. And how exactly did mothers do all the cooking, cleaning, baking, preserving, washing, mending, weaving, and sewing with a baby balanced on each hip? Even so, I cannot deny the appeal. As Almanzo’s father said, this country was built by farmers.

(Don’t tell that to our current president who seems to be doing his best to channel FDR. NO COMPLIMENT INTENDED. Don’t forget, FDR was the one under whom a farmer was arrested for attempting to grow food to feed his own family.)

But I will not digress into politics. I intend to use this blog for positive things… I do not particularly want to suck everyone into the vortex of gloom that is the current situation. (Texas being the only bright spot!)

So instead I will close with this: I seem to have rediscovered the book of James. I admit that I never much liked it… I inclined toward Martin Luther’s suggestion that it was the “epistle of straw.” But I think Luther was wrong. It is much in the style of the books of wisdom of the Old Testament and it takes on a whole new tone when one considers that he is writing to believers. I always saw it more as a to-do list, which I do not think it is. I think it is more of a “because you believe you will do x and avoid y” as opposed to “do x and avoid y or you’re doomed.” A fine distinction perhaps, but one that has made all the difference to this writer. And I’ve enjoyed RC Sproul and Calvin’s commentaries on it, too. A little clarification goes a long way!

I believe my temper has sufficiently cooled such that I will not show myself a total hypocrite. Was anyone as disappointed as I was by this fit of misbehaviour by one of Massachusetts’ congressmen?

Now I admit that I am fond of Justice Scalia. I suggested before the Little Dude arrived that “Antonin” is a great name, but Mr. S-L overruled me. (We have exactly zero Italian blood in either side of our family. But really, “Nino” is just cool, don’t you think?)

But let me be perfectly clear: I admire Justice Scalia not just because his demeanor reminds me of my own Grandad. I admire him not because his rulings, when he is in the majority, effect results with which I happen to agree. I admire the man because of his jurisprudence. He does not find rights never imagined by the Constitution’s framers to be squirreled away in “emanations of penumbras” like buried treasure. Let’s face it: Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code was diverting entertainment, but it was hardly a blueprint for Constitutional interpretation.

As I am a committed originalist, I have never been impressed by the theories relied upon by Justices Stephens, Breyer, or even Kennedy. Again, hear me clearly: as an attorney who has no client stake in any of the cases heard by the Supreme Court, I AM NOT CONCERNED WITH IMMEDIATE RESULTS. I am concerned with the interpretation of this country’s charter document. I am concerned with jurisprudential theory. It is upon the ideas underlying the Justices’ interpretations that our country stands or falls. In this I know I open myself up to all sorts of accusations (see? lawyers care only about procedure! scumbags!) but frankly I refuse to align myself with the likes of those who picket the Supreme Court because their sight is so sadly short. It is only by focusing upon the principles at the heart of constitutional interpretation that any sort of hope can be held out for the continued rule of law in our nation. The Supreme Court is the non-political branch of government folks. NON-POLITICAL.

Now, all this said, why was I disappointed? Please notice I did not say I was surprised. I am not. But disappointed? Extremely.

The death of civility in this country is lamentable. We are a rude, crass people, and proud of it. We resort to name-calling and political rock-throwing and call it “standing up for our rights.” Unfortunately, however, such tactics never convinced anyone to change his mind. Calling a Supreme Court Justice a homophobe is inappropriate. If my children engaged in such behavior, they would face consequences. And at three and 19 months, I assure you that they know this. How sad that our political representatives are not restrained even by the most rudimentary manners. Shame is non-existent and profanity de rigueur. We no longer respect even the offices held by people with whom we disagree.

On the other side of the political aisle, for example, let us consider our president. I disagree with his politics and I find myself thoroughly disgusted by his policies. It would, however, be an honor to meet him. Why? Because he is the president. That alone deserves respect. (Speaking of respect, Mr. President, could you please stop “fixing” Wall Street? Every time you and Congress announce a new plan, our stocks tank.)

If one wishes to convince the opposition of the truth of his own “side” in any given situation, the answer, my friends, is rhetoric. It is apologetics that we need: the lost art of arguing elegantly. Yelling, foot-stomping, food-throwing, profanity, and name-calling have absolutely no place in any serious argument. (I am reminded of Monty Python: “An argument isn’t just contradiction!” “Yes it is!” “No it’s not!” “Can be.”) I make no claims to any skills in this arena, but then, I am not running for political office. I cannot help but blame our culture of immediate gratification and selfishness for this. Rather than take the time to engage in the politically appropriate actions (i.e. using the voting ballot and our representatives to accomplish things), we carry placards around the Supreme Court (seriously,this is the most futile and ignorant behaviour I have ever seen) and engage in spitting matches in the national media.

Disgusting.